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| my brain- dismiss the perfect presentation, and the deliciousness. |
*My house is a disaster* there are blocks strewn all over the floor. There are dirty dishes on the counter, and in the sink, and on the ottoman, and there is a water cup festival taking up residence on both bedside tables. Not to mention the endless amounts of laundry teasing me from multiple rooms in this house.
*We have 6 weeks to move* We have decided not to renew our lease, but we don't know where we will be moving to, back to Denver - in which case we also don't know where we will work- or to somewhere else up here - in which case we don't know where, AND, that means continuing on with the job that leaves Dan unfulfilled. So we are left with a giant decision, stay in Vail and be unhappy, or move and not know where we'll get paid. Crazy... a decision like this means stress. Stress. S.T.R.E.S.S.
*It is too cold outside* We left summer in Vail, to go to Jamaica and be hot and sweaty and in the perfect sun, and returned to winter. The fall season was passed over as last night we recieved our first winter storm warning. Yuck. I am reminded that when the winter season is here, it is a lot more lonely for a stay at home mom as we cannot really play outside. No longer can we sit barefoot on our porch and enjoy the mountain views. Instead, we sit inside, most likely in the basement, and most likely with the tv on creating a constant white noise hum.
*This is a phase* I have heard so many times other mothers reminding each other that whenever things are hard to tell yourself that it is just a phase. This is a phase. This is a phase. This is a phase. We have had a stressful phase before. We will have more stressful phases to come. This is a phase. This is a phase.
This.Is. A. Phase.
*I am a good mom* No matter what is happening inside my head or in Dan's and no matter the stresses that surround our family right now, I am a good mom. I must remind myself of this. No I am not the best cleaner, I am not very organized, I leave my mail in the box for sometimes weeks, I am a couple days behind on scheduling a routine doctor check up for Kai, I let Kai watch movies whenever he wants, we don't keep good schedules, and most of all, I. Hate. Laundry. But I have the most perfect son. He is healthy, he is so happy, he is smart. And I have so much love in my heart for him. And I am a good mom. My son has an amazing personality, and Dan and I are good parents. Sometimes, I need to remind myself that no matter what I think a good mom is supposed to look like- the June Cleaver type- I have the most happy, smiley little man, and that says something. I don't need those damn pearls to prove anything.
*the 4:30p.m. sprint* most days, around 4:30p.m. I think "Okay, Dan will be home from work soon. How in the world can I run a sprint around this house to make it look like I was uber productive today?" Please God, don't let me be the only stay-at-home-mom that runs the 4:30 sprint. It's the time of day where I achieve the most, in the least amount of time. Dan doesn't expect me to do anything, or demand anything from me, and accepts fully the woman he married, but still I sprint. He knows that he will almost surely never find me in pearls and heels vacuuming, unless of course it is Halloween, or a sick joke meant to taunt him. But still I will sprint. I need to train more for something like the day long marathon. Honestly though, I hate running.
My brain is a scattered mess, much like my house, and for that matter, this post too.
But I am trusting and praying that the stress will soon be relieved, and with that, my brain and my house will be unscrambled and put back into order. God has a plan, greater than our own, and so I will be patient and wait.
Oh honey. So nicely written! After almost 20 years of marriage, there are still days I feel this same exact way. You just have to get through the day, get through the next, and the next, and before you know it you have an answer.
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